Why Can't I?
by No More Love
Summary: "Why Can't I?" It's a simple question... so why is the answer so hard to find? A one shot and poem for each of the brothers and maybe other characters if you guys want. Let me know.


Why Can't I?

Raphael

Why can't I be who my family wants of me?

Always falling short of who I need to be?

They say I'm irresponsible

That's totally possible.

But all I do

Is for those who

Don't seem to care

Id I'm even there

So maybe its time for me to leave

And just let them be.

With a backpack on his shoulder Raph started to make his way across the roof tops. Not sure where he was going, but knowing it wasn't back home. He couldn't take the disappointed looks any longer, he knew he had messed up, but didn't they know he was sorry? It had been another fight with the Foot a week ago; he was supposed to be with Mikey but had taken off after the Shredder instead. In his absence Karia had dropped in on Mikey, landing a nasty gash across his bicep, which needed twenty seven stitches. The reprimand from Leo and Master Splinter was something Raph could deal with. What he couldn't handle was the disappointed looks from April, Casey, Leo, Don, and his Master, but even worse was the hurt look that Mikey kept giving him. He had left Mikey alone and he could have died because of it. Raph couldn't be a risk to his family, and that's what he was becoming according to Leo. So he was going to leave before he cost one of his loved ones their lives.

He was half way across town before he stopped to take a break, his family's faces dancing before his eyes.

"_If you keep up this rash behavior your going to get someone killed Raph!"_

"_He'll be fine after a few weeks, but any deeper and he could have lost his arm."_

"_Raphael you must think of how your actions can affect those around you. On the battlefield a wrong choice can mean losing one of your brothers. I am disappointed in you actions of tonight…"_

_I know ya had good intentions man, takin' out Th' Shredder woulda been ideal, but ya gotta watch for yer bro's first of all."_

"_Raph you can't just leave Mikey on his own, you know he's a bit of a goof off. If Leo hadn't been there he could have died."_

Raph shook his head, trying to clear the voices from his head; he didn't want to hear how he had messed up. He knew. Feeling a hand on his shoulder Raph looked up expecting to see Leo, but was met with bright blue eyes, sea green skin, and a heavily bandaged arm.

"Mikey? What'cha doin' here?" Raph asked as Mikey sat down beside him.

"I could ask you the same thing bro; you don't normally take a backpack on patrol." Mikey was looking down at the city below, the people looking like busy ants. Raph didn't answer, he didn't know how to, and after a few minuets of silence Mikey spoke again.

"I don't blame you, ya know? No one really does." With a sigh Raph looked to his youngest brother, the bandage almost screaming out that it WAS his fault.

"If I hadn't left then ya wouldn't have gotten hurt. It's my fault Mikey, and I can't change that." Mikey surprised him by laughing; it was a short kind of chuckled laugh, but not the bitter kind.

"Raph you always do this you know? Every time one of us gets hurt you act as if you did it personally." Raph was going to object but Mikey cut him off. "I was going to go after Shredder too; you just beat me to the punch. In all fairness you probably saved my shell, Karia I can stand against but really only you and Leo can go against Shred-head alone without getting killed."

"He's right you know?" Don's voice made him look back, surprised to see his other brother's standing behind them. "It could have been much worse."

"You stood against Shredder long enough for us to get Mikey out of there." Leo poke up, a reserved look on his face. "I didn't mean what I said Raph…. I was just mad." Raph smiled, the presence of his brothers was easing the weight he had been feeling in his chest, they had come to find him after all. They still loved him.

"Your always there for us and always pull through when we need you bro. sure your not the nicest or best at following orders all the time but you never let us down when it counts." Mikey was smiling now.

"You're not a danger to us Raph," Leo chimed in then. "If anything we're all alive because of you. You've saved us more times then I care to count. I just went a little crazy seeing Mikey hurt like that and I took it out on you." Raph's eyes were starting to get misty now, his brothers words helping to take away his regret.

"Come on guys, let's go home." Donny smiled, offering Raph and Mikey a hand up. They all happily made their way home, about half way through the sewers Mikey grabbed Raph's backpack, yelling about what Raph would take with him. Inside the pack was a jacket, magazine with the "100 fastest cars" and food. The last thing Mikey pulled out was a picture, which had made him stop his running from Raph. The picture was of all of them. Master Splinter was sitting in the center of their couch, Mikey was to his left, giving Donny – who was on his left- bunny ears, April and Casey were smiling behind them. Leo was to the right of Splinter, he had his arm around Raph's shoulder, and they were both smiling happily, in a way that almost never happened. Leo and Don saw the picture before Raph could snatch it from Mikey and put in into his pack with his other stuff. Before Raph could finish mumbling about not touching his stuff his brothers had him in a tight group hug, all saying that they loved him.

After their brotherly moment they went back to the lair, April and Casey were there, saying sorry that they had up set him and that they love him. Their friends had just left when Master Splinter had called Raph into his room.

"Raphael, my intention earlier was not to hurt or cause you guilt; I merely wished to tell you the reality of the situation." Master Splinter was seated behind his small table with six candles lit, one for each of his living family. Raphael was seated before his father.

"I know Master, but you were right, I need to think of those around me before I act…. At least when we're fighting."

"Yes, I am glad you have realized this. Though last night I had said I was disappointed in your actions, which is true, I am proud you were able to being your brother's home." Splinter smiled fondly as his second oldest. Raph felt very light at that moment, his sensei wasn't completely disappointed in him, and he had said he was proud of him.

"Thank you sensei." The two mutants rose, sharing a hug before Raph retreated to his room for the night. Once there he placed the picture of his family back on his nightstand. Maybe he was irresponsible, but he always had their backs. Maybe he doesn't act like it, but he loves them. He can't be who his family wants, because they only want him to be proud of himself. He can't be that turtle yet… but someday he will be. Never again will he ask "why cant I?" No, for now on he'll ask "what should I do next?"

~~FIN~~


End file.
